I began reading a book called Are Men Necessary? by Maureen Dowd and it has really...made me angry. The book itself is amazing, as it's simply observations by Miss Dowd as to how the Gender War has not been at cease-fire since the '50s.

She brings up points on a woman's IQ and how her chances of getting married decrease by 40% with each 16 point increase because "men think that women with important jobs [and high IQs] are more likely to cheat on them". Most love stories and movies depict men who fall for the women in lower positions than they are, such as secretaries and maids.

I'm frustrated right now. I'm at a point in my life where my future is being mapped, and I now notice that if I become an independent an successful woman, my chances with men are slim. Honestly, if I have to be a blonde bimbo to have a male partner (extra emphasis on the 'partner'), an equal, then I'd rather be alone. I have goals. Those goals do include a husband and children, but my life is first, and I don't plan to immediately put myself second or short-change myself in order to secure a man.

Needless to say, this book is already beginning to shape my outlook. It will only get worse, that I can promise.

I spent the day among people who have stopped feeling pleasant towards me. They may not act out those feelings, but I can sense that they're there.

I'm having difficulty because these people are the only friends I have at high school...and this is my senior year. I feel like I've spent the last year trying to find new friends, completed my task, and then those friends graduated. And I am stuck with the same people since fifth grade. I'm simply tired of them. I can't stand their attitude towards me...I don't want to deal with them.

But it's my senior year. Why can't every awkward moment simply sort itself out for one, last year? Why do I have to be the odd-man out?

So this is what I like to call 'Decorative Brainstorming'. I've begun the planning of my novel to be written sometime after November of this year (because NaNoWriMo will be spent writing my high school memoir).

I decided that it is high-time that someone examined our society and it patrilineal inhertances, a.k.a why the men are more important than the women.

I'm about half-way done with a book called The Book of God, which is the novelization of the Bible, both the Old and New Testaments, and I notice very few women throughout the stories. I just began wondering why everything began to focus on those with penises...and what the earth would be like now if we had Men's Studies classes instead, or how countries would behave with female rulers, and if all women would become like Amazons, or if men would be the primary caregivers that played with Ken dolls as children.

I think there are a lot of questions that I can speculate upon and perhaps write a very convincing novel that mirrors The Book of God in a 'Bible-y' kind of way.

The frame story will focus on men of college-age in a Men's Studies class trying to breach their own 'glass ceiling' by examining how gender roles have shaped their lives.

I hope it will be interesting...and I'm doing my best to keep myself interested...which is half the reason for the brightly-colored post-its.

It's 12:44 am on my mother's birthday. We just finished a lovely evening of gory movies (Nanking) and television shows (Fear Itself) and I am sufficiently ready to sleep.

But before I do, I think I'll read, as usual.