This is my Hell-Week. I managed to trade one of my work shifts so that I only have 28 hours to work...but I still have tests and homework and text-book-reading up the spout.

But I got a volunteering gig at Meridian Elementary and the librarian seems really nice. The library itself is beautiful; there are murals on the wall of historical things (Crossing the Delaware, Native Americans, etc.) and even pictures from book covers (Harry Potter, Esperanza Rising, etc.). There were even some kids who came up to me and asked me questions.

One girl asked Ms. Gifford where she could find a book called "Scary Stories to Tell in the Night" and I told her that I thought it was by R.L. Stein and that she should check fiction S's. Ms. Gifford turned to me and said "This job is perfect for you."

(Even though it wasn't written by Stein, it was by Schwartz and I was really super close.)

So I plan to spend a lot of time in there and help kids to read some books that I always enjoyed. I have to study up on my colors, though. AR was a couple of years ago. All I know if that I now rank Super-Black. (Battle of the Books still goes, as well. I might try to help there, too. I'd love to read some new fiction geared towards young adults.)

Although I am stressed, I feel sufficient enough in my busyness and in my workload. I can handle it. I have to. Another nine months. In-counting.

I'm slightly nervous for my senior year of high school, for multiple reasons.

I feel quite alone, already, at the thought of having no friends with which to 'hang'; I feel stressed that I will be working a lot, volunteering, and trying to maintain A's in AP classes; I feel...unloved, I suppose, because of my lack of...relationships that have helped me grow as a person. That probably made little to no sense, but I wish that I could find a boy to take my mind away from my friends. I had that with Matt...I don't want to think about that right now.

I'm nervous, frightened, sad, anxious, are there anymore synonyms? Should I quit typing?


Another thing: I have not written anything for a while. No poetry, no fic-lets, no short stories. I contemplated writing some sort of 'closure' pieces for the characters that I must leave to my ex-best-friend, but I can't bring myself to even think about it. I feel torn between one final send-off for those brain-children and acknowledging that they'll ever not be there in case I need them.

I may seem strange that I'm attached to figments of my imagination, but I put a lot of time, effort, and love into them and I feel that they deserve a nice...resting place. How awful-sounding. Perhaps I'll write a poem about it.