I have been told, inadvertently of course because no one is that rude, that I read too much, and when that occurred the lyrics from Beauty and the Beast instantaneously popped into my mind. Yes, I spend most of my time (with my nose stuck in a book) researching matrilineal mythology and the conversion from Paganism to Christianity, but I acknowledge and accept my passions, no matter how odd they might seem to teachers, bosses, or friends.
All of the time spent reading, the thirty days every November when I attempt to write 50,000 words, is simply seconds towards accomplishing my goal of completing my novel, my brainchild, my unique stamp upon humanity. I'm another believer; I feel strongly that if I work hard enough, I will influence the world in some manner, large or small. The book I wish to write encompasses ideas that are unorthodox; if one person were to read it, ingest it like I would, and ponder the great gaps in our human psyche (which I wish to illuminate somewhat), then I have done my job, completed my mission.
Every novel that I read (The Awakening, Kafka on the Shore, Frankenstein) poses questions and influences my view upon the world, regardless of that author's intentions or the standard of interpretation for that novel. My unique take on Edna drowning or on Victor's god-like aspirations may or may not be the same as other readers but I close those worn-through books as a different girl, a changed person, than when I first thumbed through the pages.
I feel that author almost channeling their ideas through my subconscious and I sense the power that thoughts such as that can have over one person, who, in turn, will spread their love. My English teacher proclaimed Margaret Atwood's A Handmaid's Tale as one of the best books ever written, and I read it. I devoured it. The plot was so striking and the female protagonist so close to my heart by the end that I could not exactly remember who I was before reading that book.
I suppose that many people experience this sort of personal evolution in different ways, or take these life-altering happenings from different sources, but I know so many people like myself. In fact, I know more kids my age who don't feel this way about reading, specifically because they have not found that book that shatters their entire existence. (That may be, in part, because we have so vague an understanding of our being at this time.) I do my best to interest students slightly younger than myself in literature that they are forced to read for a grade, that book that they don't comprehend and would rather burn than read, and I acknowledge how difficult it is to force-feed yourself novels. But it is the approach that is needed to read dry books like The Hobbit (a great book, no doubt, but the style is simply too much to take in for a 21st century adolescent): every sentence of J.R.R. Tolkein's books are lovingly crafted and formulated for maximum effect. I told a sophomore trying to read it that “It was written purposely for Tolkein's son who was fighting in a war. The never-ending passages produced an escape from the horrors of battle. Think about that while you read.” I don't know if that boy ever finished or if he could even fathom what a young man serving in the ultimate way could be feeling, but he left looking puzzled, in the least.
I can only do so much with explanation. I feel like I can do more by creating, crafting, cutting, compiling, and even cultivating a novel that might be that one book that completely alters one person's life. That's all I could ever want, all I could ever hope for. I don't know about other authors, but that's how I feel.
I hope that you take time to appreciate the novels that shaped you: for my dad it was Where the Red Fern Grows and for my mother (and myself) it was The Red Tent. Of course we are created out of more types of clay than simply the literature we indulge in, but that is a defining element in our personalities and beliefs, and I have been shaped more by books than by people, regardless of how many amazing people I have in my life. (The difference lies in their ability to challenge my perception of myself and of reality.)
If books, novels, are not what does it for you, then find what does and accept it, embrace it.
Wow devan. I've always thought you were incredibly smart and wise beyond your years. However, this post, as many of you novels do, has changed my perspective. I am so very impressed by you. You are brilliant and beautiful and don't ever let ANYONE tell you that you spend too much time reading. That just gives you that much more of an edge against them in the game of life.
And I really mean it when I say, I say I want my daughter to grow up like you.
You are an amazing human being.
Can I just tell you, in case I haven't said it in the last hour, how very, unbelievably proud I am of you and that I get to be your mom. I can't wait to see the stamp you leave on humanity. I consider myself, and everyone else you've met....stamped!!